The chunks of creature that litter the beach are almost as big as some of the Mandalorians, which got me thinking about the size of the sausages you could make with those guts. There’s an entire industry of space meatpacking just sitting there, and I’m surprised that we haven’t seen any enterprising extraterrestrials turning themselves into the Oscar Meyer of a galaxy far, far away. That turtle-dragon would make a lot of hot dogs, and there are a lot of other interesting “Star Wars” monsters and animals to potentially turn into cuisine. Domesticated livestock exists in “Star Wars,” of course, and even the tree-dwelling teddy bears the Ewoks have Endorian chickens and goats, but where’s the market for Krayt Dragon crepes, Zucca boar sandwiches, or Anooba meat pies? There are a lot of aggressive animals that attack and need to be killed out in the far reaches of space, and it’s immoral to let all of that meat go to waste. I don’t want to encourage any kind of poaching, because there’s enough crime in the galaxy, but someone really should take advantage of all of that monster meat lying around.
There are a couple of “Star Wars” monsters and creatures I wouldn’t feel comfortable turning into snacks, like Rancors, because they seem to have a bit more personality and sentience, but that’s also probably just because I think they’re cute, like giant pit bulls. Sure, it would be great if everyone in “Star Wars” could be vegan and had plenty to eat, but this is “Star Wars,” not “Star Trek,” so people have to make do.
New episodes of “The Mandalorian” debut Wednesdays on Disney+, where maybe we’ll meet some more massive monsters turned into mounds of meat.
